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I HATE CHRONIC PAIN!!! (vent)

I've had a migraine for THREE DAYS. If I still have it tomorrow that means I have to go to the fucking hospital to get IV fluids and whatnot. I keep getting hopeful like "hey! the pain is gone! I'm free!" and then boom, my meds wear off. The pain is manageable for right now, but I've reached a point where I'm just anxiously waiting for the pain to return. It doesn't help that I was forced to do the major chore of disassembling and cleaning the automated litter box (it is my fault tho- i hadn't done it in months) and the day before that I had to mow the lawn. Doing manual labor with a migraine makes the pain WORSE. I just want to scream. I'm sick of being in pain. I'm sick of having to take a bunch of meds morning and night that barely fucking work. I'm sick of needing to wear these tinted glasses every fucking hour of every day. This is the worst migraine attack I've ever had. My autism and adhd already disable me enough, now I get another fucking neurological problem? A chronic issue that, when combined with my sensory issues, completely renders me useless?? I don't want to live like this. I don't want to sit around the house all day feeling useless, ordering expensive ass food from doordash because I can't bring myself to cook. (I'm not gonna kms don't worry)

(posted 11-20-24)

Rambling

Spent the whole day worsening my own mental health by watching videos about how shitty things are right now and yet the thing that has hit me the hardest is... Halloween. My mom and I have this tradition of watching Nightmare Before Christmas and Hocus Pocus on a projector screen in the driveway as we hand out candy. This year, only three families showed up. I thought it was just our street, but it turns out this is happening everywhere. This was the one day of year where children were allowed to experience freedom, where they could freely wander the neighborhood with their friends. It's dead now. anyway,

We need to normalize adults trick or treating since clearly children don't anymore.

(posted 11-18-24)

Tech Haul!!

Got some "vintage" tech on Ebay and second-hand stores this week!

My New 3DS-XL!!!

I've had my regular good ol' black 3DS since 2013. It served me well and it's still in great condition, but I'm bigger now. I was seven when I got this thing, my hands were way tinier! Now the 3DS feels so small that it hurts my hands to play with :( When the 3DS stopped being manufactured, I realized this is probably my last chance to get an XL. Sooooo! I ordered a pink(of course) XL on ebay and it arrived today! The size is a lot comfier for me :P

(trapped Anne in the game notes app too (:< )

2010 Memorex CD Player/Alarm Clock

Found this at a Goodwill for $8.98, which was a great find! Picked it up because I saw it was a speaker with an aux, something I needed for my mp3 player. It was cool to find out that it was also a cd player- it even came with a cd inside! I mean- it was a Harry Connick Jr. (had to ask my mom who that was lmao) cd, but it was a suprise mystery cd so I don't care too much! The LCD screen didn't work so I can't use it as a clock, but then again I wasn't even planning on using it as such!

(posted 11-14-24)

Baby's First Webring

Joined my first webring today! It's the no ai webring! I haven't really interacted with those in it yet, but I thought an anti-ai ring was a good place to start. I'm gonna find a better place in the future to put these links, but I use Glaze and Nightshade to protect my art from ai and you should too!

The Yimpy Incident

So I'm part of Zeep Zop Zudios, a roblox dev team that just created a Mouthwashing-inspired rp game. Of course, Jimmy was a playable option.

A friend of mine had joined the game to check it out and got very upset about Jimmy being playable. So upset, that she tried to pick a fight with Jimmy RPers on the game (instead of just not playing) and blocked us on all platforms.

But why would anybody want to be Jimmy?

In the RP sphere, roleplaying a character is not being the character, or agreeing with the character at all. It's more like collaborative improvised fanfiction, where each person is in control of a different character. If there's no Jimmy, how will ppl be able to give him the karma he deserves? Send him to jail? Morph into Polle and chase the mf aroud with a knife?

This friend was a good friend for a long time. We went to school together. And it feels as though she will die on this hill. She has a right to stand for what she feels is right, but it sucks. I really hope she doesn't turn what's left of my irl friends against me. Malky team is down to 2. (not counting the fact that the other person is a system)

(Posted 11-13-24)

Health PSA

(made this for a school assignment)

For college students,taking care of your physical and mental health is important as it's reflected in your grades. However, the stresses of college itself, along with other factors, can make it hard to find time to do so. This post exists to shed light on common health issues and provide possible coping mechanisms.

Depression and Loneliness

Many symptoms of depression happen under the surface, invisible to the naked eye. There are still many outwards signs you can check for in a friend you suspect is struggling. Here's a few signs:

• Irritability- It can manifest as snapping during normal conversation
• Restlessness- You or a friend may be unable to sit still, fidgeting or biting their nails.
• Oversleeping or not sleeping enough- If you have a friend with a strange sleep schedule, you may want to go check in on them.

Connections on the Internet

Loneliness can be a monumental contributor to depression, especially amongst those who spend a good amount of time on the internet. The internet can be an amazing tool that when used right, can provide meaningful connections that would be inconcieveable to those who lived a century ago, but it can also prove to be very isolating as well. Most modern social media isn't designed for socialization anymore. It encourages you to make a brand for yourself, become an influencer, and follow micro-trends that change daily. It's so easy to get caught up in these superficial aspects that you forget why you even downloaded social media in the first place: connection. There are steps and precautions you can take in order to use these platforms more sustainably.

I (reluctantly) redownloaded TikTok the other day to help manage a joint account with a devteam promote this Mouthwashing-inspired Roblox game that we created together. I was worried that I was going to get sucked in by the For You page again, but because I had created a new account, the algorithm hadn't tuned itself to my tastes yet. I followed a small circle of friends I was close with and started exclusively scrolling through the following page. As a result, instead of filling me with dread as the hours tick by uncontrollably doomscrolling, TikTok became a great place to check in on what my friends were doing, getting to see any new art or silly videos they had created. It's a shame that we have to be a lot more intentional about the media you consume, but it is possible.

Another great way to ensure a quality online social life is to use the Personal Web and, well, you're on it now! The personal web is a movement to go back to the era of internet where there were personal customizeable blogs on spaces such as GeoCities or MySpace. With the Personal Web, you have more control over what you do or do not want to see. Connections on here are made for the sake of connection, and not for the sake of content. Having your own domain gives you full freedom to express yourself without worrying about advertiser-friendly censorship getting in the way. When there's no incentive for fame, genuine community thrives.

IRL Connections

Of course, even with these adjustments, you still need a social life outside of the internet. Socialization is more difficult in the modern era, but not impossible. Most would say to hop on an app such as Hinge or OkCupid in order to find friends or romantic partners. I have made a good friend off of Hinge so far, but that's only one person. For a more meaningful connection, you need community. What better way to find community than volunteering for community service? There are so many organizations out there to volunteer that you are bound to find a place in at least one of them.

My mother volunteers for an organization called Free Mom Hugs, a fantastic example of how volunteering can help form communities. The main goal of Free Mom Hugs is to, well, give out free hugs! The organization was started by Sarah Cunningham in response to the sheer amount of queer folks who have been disowned by their parents for being who they are. Moms (and dads) volunteer at pride events all over the country to give hugs and support those who never got to have a hug from a supportive parent.

I haven't found an organization to routinely volunteer in yet, but most of my work has been with pet rescues. Although the work is geared more towards animals than actual people, it brings fellow animal lovers together, providing a space to bond over their mutual love of caring for cats and dogs in need. That's the most important part of volunteering: bonding with other volunteers over a cause you care so much about.

(Posted 11-10-24)

[edited 11-13-24 to remove any connections to my irl school]

{i got 100% btw (: }